T. Sean Sullivan

Introduction:

There was a time, not long ago, when this question would find no justification for even being asked.  The idea that this would be asked by those who claim to be Christians is an indication of a very dangerous trend away from God and His word.

Galatians 5:19-21 says, “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” The word “fornication” although mocked today as “old fashioned” is still a tangible and definable term.  Fornication is defined as a sexual relationship without the sacred bond of marriage.  This is the scriptural word used to describe sex before marriage.

The word “fornication” is found listed among the other sinful actions attached to this dire warning.  Our choice to participate in these activities is also a choice to reject Heaven and embrace condemnation.  When these actions are brought into our lives, the result is sin, and Galatians 5:21 says, “those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God”. What a scary warning!

All sorts of excuses are created to “find a way past God's rules”.  Everything from “saving money” to “we are in love” is suggested to allow couples to cohabitate before marriage.  When we are seeking “a go-around,” we are seeking our own will, not the will of God (Matthew 7:21; John 14:15).  Here are a few more things that people say.

“But we are practically married.”

Two are either legally married or they are not.  There is no “practically married” exemption for sinful conduct.  The Scriptures have always respected the cultural wedding ceremony.  The proof of that is Jesus attending the wedding at Cana of Galilee (John 2:1-11) and the use of a wedding feast in His teaching (Matthew 22:1-14; Matthew 25:1-13; Luke 14:8).  This implies that God approves of these civil ceremonies; the Scriptures endorse no exceptions.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, was in love with her fiancé Joseph.  They wanted to be married.  We are told in the Scriptures that their “betrothed status” [engaged] was not a sexual relationship.  This is the proper and correct conclusion from the information found in Luke 1:26-35.  There is no “practically married” permission-fornication is still sinful.

“But We Won't Sleep Together”

Undoubtedly, those who are fully committed to the will of God and the hope of their eternal salvation will keep themselves pure for marriage.  However, the same individuals would also acknowledge the danger of living together, and the temptation and pressure it would put on them.

Christians are to avoid situations of temptation (Matthew 6:13; 1 John 2:15-17).  The idea that two healthy, normal humans, passionately in love, longing to spend their lives together, could share endless amounts of private time without crossing the line of propriety seems somewhat unrealistic.

A beautiful blessing of proper marriage is that two can become one flesh (Genesis 2:24-25).  It is a beautiful part of life, reserved for its proper place, within the bond of marriage (Hebrews 13:4).  The influence of this “physical desire” is powerful, and it is reserved for the most sacred earthly relationship-marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2-5).  Do not put yourselves into a situation of temptation.

Remember also, this is a situation involving two souls.  You are not only welcoming temptation and the distinct possibility of sin for yourself, but also for the one whom you most love.  Why would a Christian want to participate in anything that condemns their soul-or anyone else's soul, especially their “future spouse”?  Be realistic about sexual desire; reserve it for its proper place, after you two are married.

“But What We Do is Nobody Else's Business”

What an unfortunate and ungodly attitude.  Some things are “no one else's business”, but the example of your life, actions, and faith are not in that category.  Christians are to be “the light of the world” (Matthew 5:14).  Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ proclaimed, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

The mindset that banishes anyone else's input into your decisions is ungodly.  Jesus also said, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.  For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.  For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his soul?  Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?  For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works” (Matthew 16:24-27).

We are responsible for being a proper example to those around us.  This is a responsibility that we have been given as Christians (1 Timothy 4:12).  We are to live in such a way as to show others the proper and correct way to serve God-others should be able to “imitate” us in doing right (1 Corinthians 11:1). Others are watching.  Unfortunately, some are only waiting to pounce on your every move with criticism.  However, many others are looking for an example to follow.  There are a lot of younger people in the congregation and in this town who look up to you.  What example are you setting for them? “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18:6). It does matter what you do, and how you do it.  So, set the right example.  Living together is proper and suitable as a married couple, and not before.

Conclusion:

There is a time and place for living together.  The proper time will be after your wedding when the exercises of marriage will have God's blessing and their required privacy.

Do not listen to the world's advice; look to God (Psalm 1:1-6).  Do not put yourself into a situation of temptation and sin.  Sharing your life with the one you love is a beautiful and true blessing, and it is worth waiting for.